i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
