If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
