I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
