There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
