You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
