Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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