how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
