you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
