I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
