Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
