i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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