She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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