i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
