Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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