You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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