I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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