why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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