I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
