dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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