Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
