I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
