rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
