WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
