i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
