I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
its not stalking. its research.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
