Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
