apparently the secret to your success is patron
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
