I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
