Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
