so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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