I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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