Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
