I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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