I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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