her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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