she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
