You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
