I think I died a long time ago.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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