DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
