I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
