remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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