it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
