He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
