Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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