last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I want to be your penis for a week.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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