he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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