Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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