i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
