I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
