and you said cock pushups were impossible
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
