If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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