its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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