The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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