I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
